Wrote new story

http://calaspawn.blogspot.com/2009/01/new-story.html

Took about four hours, enjoy and tell me what you think

Wow man, I didn't get time to read all of it, but it seems a brilliant story, as for you, seems a brilliant story writer

TCJacko wrote:

Wow man, I didn't get time to read all of it, but it seems a brilliant story, as for you, seems a brilliant story writer

Thanks

I will be editing it tonight so it will probably be better

im now following that blog

PowerMetalLivesOn wrote:

im now following that blog

SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X

great story i could see you writing some books and making money off them

balrog wrote:

SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X SEQUEL PL0X

Will make after I finish my post apocalypse nuclear war story

Now that was awesome I gotta say it was a little on the short side but other than that no complaints from me

i think i might make a story like this. although it will be EPIC fail >_>

and it will only be available ON THIS FORUM

Reading story in new tab as I wright this. Characters voices in italics with made up dialect woulda added a little. Thirty years as trusted man servant promoted to groundskeeper, mildly implausible. "Training was harsh and once there you were not allowed out until you turned twenty and when you did you were forced into serving the emperor." How old when forced to enlist? "less than two copper coins to their name" sweet old school rpg reference. "by the inquisition" should be caps on Inquisition right? You said the boy "Saxon" had been captured when he was 10, but the story takes place 5 years later. I like it when stories make you think and reference the story. This is a good way of doing this. Once again character dialog in italics. Did you make up the Blademasters quote' its pretty good, kinda adds to the little plot twist just prior to it. In the first paragraph, second act(as it were); you let it slide that the mysterious man was a "black mage", maybe you coulda played that out a little more. Dramatic effect and all. Also I had to assume the "wraiths" were the "Blademasters" to control, kinda vague. The rest of the second paragraph is "character develpment", don't be afraid to spend more time here, its the heart of a story. Also, I liked the heart of this story, a very noble theme. Kinda invokes the 'do the right thing' urge in us. Passionate also.

On to act or chapter 3. Also before I forget you have a character, not narrative intense wrighting style. You need to spend more time on "character development", it's your strong suite. Make me FEEL Saxon's motivation. "fifty imperial troops armed with crossbows" crossbows, thats it? Wheres the rest of the good stuff? How did he kill 10 of them? I just finised chapter 3 paragraph 2 and once again I want to know more about the MOTIVATION. Chapter 3 paragraph 3, I just wanna know more. I would like to see this as a novella. Chapter 4 paragraph 2, why would Marcus need a new sword? Hold on don't you mean Saxon was supplied with a new sword? Marcus was waiting on the roof when Saxon arrived. Whatever, chapter 4 paragraph 3, plot twist #2, sweet. Towards the end of chapter 4 you refer to Markus as a priest, but in chapter 2 he's a "black mage", pick one. Chapter 4 last paragraph, WTF? But it's your story. Cross bow bolt in his back huh? WTF? All in all a well scripted story that I think would be a good forerunner to a much longer much more involved story. Maybe a three book set? I don't know, well thanks for letting me comment. <-- And theres Banger for ya.

I haven't read it. I don't like reading on the PC. Makes my eye hurt. Maybe I will print it.

Rokai wrote:

I haven't read it. I don't like reading on the PC. Makes my eye hurt. Maybe I will print it.

It is kinda a pain in the ass to read on the net but I sucked it up and read the whole thing.

its a pain that you will get use to at some point it use to hurt